Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
