after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
