you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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