My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
