Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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