Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
