I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
