Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
