she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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