Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
