he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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