woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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