I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
