I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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