Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
