i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
