OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
