wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
