I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
