Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
