I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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