Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
