Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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