Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
