I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
