are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
