Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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