He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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