Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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