I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
