I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
