R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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