It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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