Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
