I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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