You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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