I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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