Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
