I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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