Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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