i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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