apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
