Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
