I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
