Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
