she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
