Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
