please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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