I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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