Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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