My friends, they love my intelligence
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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