then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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