she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
