my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
